She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
