every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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