did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Randomize
