Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
