I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
