Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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