turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
