Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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