she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
