you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
