alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
