3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
