He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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