Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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