you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
