You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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