the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
