Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
