i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
