i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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