so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
