Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Randomize
