i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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