Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
