Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
