well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
