His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
