I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Dicks are not precious.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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