Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
