Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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