I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
