so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
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Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
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If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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