If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
