I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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