I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I enjoy the company of your penis
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
