Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
40s are totally the cure
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
