I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize