K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
