I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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