omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
