dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
