we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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