she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
