Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
