Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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