dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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