Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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