so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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