the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
