Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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