youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
