watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
