did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
