Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
what the fuck happened to the tacos
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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