me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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