Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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