I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
