we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
