We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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