In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
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This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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