At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
