i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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