You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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