ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
