I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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