I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just googled if crying burns calories
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
