i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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