the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
