He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
