My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
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