That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
